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We live in a society where one person in four believes they have no one to confide in. Feeling connected to yourself is what differentiates alone from lonely.


I grew up in the wilderness of Alaska. I learned about stillness and being alone yet connected from the forest, the water, the rugged mountains, and even the cold. These experiences instilled in me an appreciation for observation and awareness. Being in nature reconnects us with present time, it aligns us with all and everything. The expansion you feel while being in nature is often a direct path to connection.

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How do You Find a Stable Inner Connection?

The first step is observation. To step outside our own perspective requires keen observation. This is the primary tool in navigating every aspect of your life. To observe, we must put aside our judgments and interpretations and look from a neutral viewpoint. If you’re dealing with a lot of overwhelm, step out for a moment. Go for a short walk notice something beautiful or spend 15 minutes sitting near the water, even a fountain will do. Notice your breathing. Relax into your surroundings. If possible take off your shoes and socks and walk on bare ground for a few minutes.

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Step two is Empathy…

Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes helps you perceive their experience with empathy. In this case you are looking at your own situation from outside your point of view.  Be with yourself as if you were sitting with a dear friend. Feel whatever arises, don’t analyze, or search for a solution. Notice the feelings, like clouds moving across the blue sky.


Receiving empathy can feel like profound acknowledgement, sometimes it can bring strong emotional. It’s not kind words, or a casserole that comforts us – it is kinship, the recognition that we are the same. We are human, and all of us stumble, fall and must get up and try again.

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Step three is a willingness to take action…

Once you are a bit more settled take some deep breaths, relax a little more and see if you can spot the unmet need. Maintain your neutrality. Once you have identified the need, check to see if it’s okay with you to have that need. If not, forgive yourself, and notice what your feelings are trying to tell you, or protect you from.

If  you are still struggling with finding the need or you’ve found it, but don’t want to accept it, perhaps talking would help. Try this, go into the bathroom, bring in a chair and light a candle. Draw the shower curtain and imagine someone kind, caring, and forgiving sitting on the other side of the curtain. Tell them everything, aloud. Remain until everything is said and you feel more peaceful.

Feeling disconnected may be pointing to an unmet need that has nothing to do with others. Discovering and honoring our needs changes the entire landscape. Following the 3 steps above can liberate you from overwhelm, and feeling stuck. Learning to live in a more connected way fosters resilience and emotional stamina.

I help people determine “what’s next.” You’re welcome to email me, or if you’d like to schedule a complimentary Discovery Session click the link.