The Art of Invisibility, I’m Just Not That Into Myself
One of the ways that I perpetuated feeling invisible for more than two decades was by ignoring my feelings. I didn’t know how I felt at any given moment. I wasn’t that clear on when I felt good and when I felt bad until it got intense. When we cut off awareness of our feelings, we block our ability to discern what we want, and who we are. Buffeted by circumstance, we go through the motions of life, reacting to external events as opposed to engaging them. We identify ourselves based on external cues and other people’s feedback instead of relying on our connection to Source and the sense of ease and knowing that arises from that.
When you move through life feeling invisible, people don’t really notice you. When they do, there may be so little available for them to connect with, so little that you’ve left exposed, that they project a story about you. You then feel unseen, which strengthens your sense of yourself as unimportant or unreal.
I had a sense of not being “real.” I felt separate and disconnected from life and others like I didn’t fit in.
Why would anyone feel invisible in the first place? Some of the biggest promoters of invisibility are our coping mechanisms. We all learn to adapt to our surroundings as children. Often this occurs by the time we are three years of age. Children who have experienced abandonment, a lack of safety and security, or who are forced to behave as adults very early on may not feel safe enough to express their feelings or needs as adults. Sometimes strict religious or spiritual belief can constrain a child’s natural desire and expression. If anger, passive-aggressive behavior, or even violence were present from an early age, that child might learn to protect her/himself by becoming invisible. They may conclude, “It is not safe to be seen or heard.”
How might feeling invisible impact your life?
- Relationship – You fall for the one who pays attention to you. In believing yourself to be finally seen by someone, you choose by default. Later you discover your partner has been in a relationship with a “you” he made up in his mind, the story of who you are. If you habitually and unconsciously remain hidden from yourself and others, including your mate, they cannot be expected to see the real you anymore than you can.
- Passion – Without being in touch with your feelings, it is almost impossible to recognize your true nature. It is easy to be swept up into many seemingly exciting ideas, causes, or even careers which in time lose their appeal and leave you feeling depleted. This is due to an inability to discern your authentic interests and passions.
- Outcome – You tend to live for outcomes missing out on the enjoyment of the process. Without a consistent connection to your feelings, you may gravitate toward either overblown, overt expressions, or stoically, none at all. You may look forward to a big event then feel empty once it’s over.
Rediscovering yourself is not for the faint of heart, but turning away isn’t an option
The desire or the impulse to reconnect with your feelings or needs may arise as the result of a major life event, or a powerful conviction to change what feels like an impossible rut in your life. You may feel like you’re running out of time, the thought comes unbidden, “I’m getting older and I haven’t even started yet.” You discover an unquenchable desire for deeper meaning or deeper fulfillment in your life. This awareness can feel very scary and unsettling. You may find yourself wanting to burrow into the familiar and forget all about these troubling thoughts. But once they come, there they are. Awareness is an invitation from your Higher Self, from Source or whatever you choose to call it. You are being called to awaken
1. Begin incrementally. The first step is noticing how you feel throughout the day. “But, I feel nothing.” You may believe this for a time, but the feelings are there beneath the surface. Check in multiple times a day, ask yourself, “How do I feel?” Take some deep breaths and allow the answer to arise naturally.
2. Little by little more feelings will surface, what do you do with them? There is nothing to do but notice and acknowledge them. If the process of feeling becomes overwhelming or upsetting you may need tools such as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) often referred to as “Tapping,” or, you might seek assistance to move through the process. Try to avoid stuffing the feelings back down. You may find judgment arising. Resistance to feeling your feelings is pretty natural when they have been kept under wraps for so long.
3. I’m afraid of being disappointed. What if I discover I want something and don’t or can’t get it? The pain of disappointment is a strong motivation to avoid both knowing what you want and feeling it. Our feelings are vital to becoming connected to who we are, what we want and ultimately how to achieve our dreams.
You can become the creator of your reality instead of the recipient of circumstances.
Becoming visible in your life is a re-birth. You begin to allow your desire for a more meaningful life. By accessing your feelings, you learn to tune int to your own inner guidance. You learn that you always have a choice about how you respond to circumstances. This is the first step to in creating your reality. To engage life at this level you must discover who you are, not the story of who you have been, but the spiritually connected Beingness of who you truly are. This process requires courage and persistence. You must be willing to step outside your comfort zone and ultimately let go of the story you have believed about who you are. You will find that confidence begins to grow from the inside out making you feel better about yourself and more receptive to your dreams and desires.
If you have been feeling invisible, I would suggest private coaching over group coaching. If invisibility is an issue for you, it may be tempting to stand to the side vicariously enjoying someone else’s breakthrough. Your best bet is to find someone who is compassionate to your situation and can help you to move incrementally toward personal expression and greater confidence. Click here for a free consultation to discuss private coaching with Lora.