I once thought that if I could be like Byron Katie, life would be better.
Have you ever thought that if you could be like someone else, your life would be better? I guess everyone has thoughts like that. Maybe you relate more to glamorous types like Elvis or Marilyn Monroe. “If I were as beautiful as…then…” “If I could sing like…then…” But wherever you go, whatever you do, you are you, and the truth is that being yourself is an enormous gift. In fact, the more you focus outside, on someone else and the apparent greener pasture of their life the more unhappy you become, the less satisfied you feel with your life. It took me ages to stop punishing myself, for what I don’t know, and to realize–wow, I like myself the way I am.
Being Yourself is a Blessing, an Opportunity, and a Challenge
Being you is a blessing because you are utterly unique and necessary in your own right. You are a miracle. The joy of being yourself becomes a relief after resisting for so long. It doesn’t require great effort, money or even time! The gifts and talents you possess were given to you alone. You are the only one who can fulfill your individual destiny. And that destiny is being fulfilled moment by moment, not in some ultimate culmination of dazzling brilliance, but every day in subtle ways that you can learn to appreciate and enjoy.
The incredible opportunity comes when you recognize that you actually like being who you are. Finally, it’s not so scary to take a stand or to truly own your gifts and talents. As you begin to accept yourself for you are, you stop being so afraid to be seen. It feels good to be yourself, knowing nobody can do it better than you. Confidence comes naturally, effortlessly. You begin to bloom with your own particular fragrance.
You’ve already experienced how challenging it can be to be you without the benefit of loving yourself. When you don’t feel good about who you are, it’s hard to step up and take action. It’s hard to forgive yourself and to feel good about your accomplishments. To fully accept that you are it, you are the one you’ve been waiting for requires self-esteem. Self-esteem comes from feeling connected and aligned at a deep level. It isn’t something you can “try” to do. It is something you must relax into and feel for yourself. Once you have glimpsed that sense of connection, it’s easier to allow your heart to take the lead instead of your head. We often put ourselves down based on something we think we did wrong in the past. Or, we’re afraid we will never get it right in the future.
Being Someone Else Seems Preferable to Accepting Ourselves as We Are
When we focus on others, we neglect ourselves. When we try and emulate the style, speech, or business acumen of someone else, we tend to appear ever so slightly “off” to the very people we want to impress. I tried “fake it til you make it,” and honestly it made me feel more separate because I had abandoned myself. Being yourself is the greatest gift you give the world. Accepting yourself requires being more present in the moment rather than focusing your attention on the past or the future. In any given moment – relax, check in and see how you feel physically and emotionally. Take a breath and begin to observe the sounds, colors, and textures around you. When you find that calm place, ask yourself, “where is there to go?” Who else would you wish to be when this moment is so beautiful?
The Secret of Finding Yourself is This
You are precious, remarkable, and unlike anyone else. The secret to finding yourself is this: you must first like yourself. Start where you are and increase incrementally. Find two things you truly like or even love about yourself and then incorporate those into each and every day. Stop thinking about what you don’t like by replacing the thought with what you do like! Once you’ve got the hang of it, look for two more. Notice what you have. Notice the small positive things about who you are now, and put your attention there. Allow your confidence to bloom in the areas where you feel passionate, interested, content. Seek out like-minded people to share your successes and aspirations. You may experience feelings long forgotten, such as joy. You may remember that you’re funny, sharp, creative, and fun. But don’t stop there.
Don’t wait for the right time, do it right now. Quick, write down two things you like, love, admire or feel proud of about yourself. It can be anything, don’t be self-effacing here, let go of any inhibitions you may have about patting yourself on the back and write.
Being yourself is a process, and at the same time, it can happen all at once in a moment and be gone just as quick. Next time you notice that you are having a private joke in your head, seize the moment and laugh a little. Don’t worry about what other’s may think. Enjoy yourself, after all; this is your life!
If you are interested in exploring this topic personally, I can help. Start by taking my quiz.